Hello, I’m kitten number seven.

I don’t have a name yet, as you can see from this nice tag on my enclosure. For now, they’ve given us numbers. Isn’t that amazing? You get to come up with our personality, give us a little bit of your hopes and dreams for life, much like what you’ve done with your kids. We certainly hope to deliver. I’m happy to provide you with some feeling of control. You can pick one, any one. I promise I’ll be happy about it. Even if you pick Daisy. I think only flowers should be named Daisy, but I’m perfectly happy with this, should you think it’s appropriate. 

For my top qualities, I’d have to say I am great at napping and getting belly rubs. The vet is always commending me for how fast I fall asleep after I am examined. And how well-behaved I am, too. I’m worm-free, by the way. I’ve been treated. I’ll never forget it, unfortunately. Ah, just remembered something you might be interested in knowing. Kitten number one, yeah, that cute tabby, is excellent at scratching. Just thought I’d put in the good word. If you have anything in your house that needs scratching, he’ll do an amazing job of scratching the hell out of it, and he’ll also figure out what else might benefit from a scratch or two. He specializes in sofas and box beds and he’s very thorough. But I’ve seen the work he does in wood, plastic and many other materials. He’s incredibly flexible. 

You know, this kitten pound is a dog-eat-dog kind of place, if you’ll excuse my pun (I have a very sharp sense humor, some say). So here I am, exhibiting my best qualities, and winking at you, hoping you’ll take me home. This is what Annie would look like if it was set in the SPCA. I’d be Annie. I’m adorable, ginger and smart. And kittens number three to five are my pack of misfits who only want to be loved and cared for. They might be flawed and have a tendency to chew on shoes. And number five just might have some anger issues that have been the subject of many a collective therapy sessions in here. I worry about her, really. Not everyone is fit to be around human beings, though. Even so, I’ve seen them from day one till now, at the top of their three-month birthday. They’ve gone a long way. Most of them don’t even eat from garbage bags anymore! I can’t help but loving all of them. That’s how big my heart is. 

Oh, of course, you’re looking at the big-eyed kitten number six. Although the sign says ‘kitten number six’, I thought you’d like to know that in here he’s better known as ‘devil incarnate’. What a cute nickname, isn’t it? I’m sure the other kittens mean nothing by this nickname. Me, I don’t really get mixed up with the gossip in here. But I want you to have all the information before you decide who you’re taking home to you family, to live close to that beautiful wide-eyed toddler you are holding hands with, and to the baby your wife is expecting. And you know cats jump anywhere, right? They can go inside cribs. I’m sure you know that, sure you’ll do what’s best for you and your family. 

But I don’t mean to diss any one of the other very worthy kitties in here. I’m sure all of them have good reason to want to find a family of their own and leave this hell hol… extremely caring and healthy environment. But, if you must know, some of them have been known to shit on beds, on occasion. It’s not my business what numbers four and two do on their spare time. I just think I’d find a more productive hobby. But hey, that’s just me, okay? I’d take up knitting, make your little kid a nice hat for the cold days. I worry about kids. 

I know this is not a Miss Universe kind of thing, but I wanted to say that my dream is to help promote world peace. I won’t stop until every single cat has clean water, a bowl of food and a warm bed with humans that he or she can wake up at three in the morning to play with. That’s the dream, right?